did my husband cheat on me and think he got away with it?

my husband travels with his job, recently he came home from a business trip and i found two unused condoms in his computer bag ALONG with a lighter i didn’t recognize, i confronted him ( i know bad idea) and he said he found them in his room and just brought them home, we have been married less than a year and hes always been totally devoted to me , i want to believe him but my biggest question is “why would you take condoms from a room that someone else touched when you dont even use them?: i dont know anyone who would do that, a guy i asked and told this said “he was planning on getting some” i trusted my husband completely my heart says he wouldn’t cheat but my head says did he get away with it? he swears hes never cheated and i know sometimes when ppl are confronted they lie like hell, my trust is blown and i cant prove it just circumstances i feel like crap, i wish i was a fly on the wall, im struggling with “i dont really know the truth” help me.

First, I do not envy your difficult situation this is never a good issue to confront though you are handling it well, looking for advice and speaking with your husband about it.

I’m a married guy and wow . . . this doesn’t look good. He honestly may’ve never consumated a physical relationship but was looking forward to meeting “someone” (a co-worker or just someone at the after work parties that always go on) or may’ve just had it on his mind, and wondered if he would go through with it if tempted (that’s how some of us guys think!)

Out of all the questions I’ve tried to answer on this board this is probably the toughest. He is in almost a passive-agressive situation with you right now, if you confront him and show him your anguish he’ll tell your feelings and intuition are wrong, which makes you doubt yourself which makes you more insecure which leads you to question him further . . .

Going back to your marriage in general is there anything lacking that you can see? USUALLY for a spouse to wander something is lacking or he may be insecure with himself and is looking for someone on the side to allay his fears that he isn’t charming, attractive or whatever any longer.

The key to all of this is communication. I would again approach him about this but do not let him pooh-pooh it aside, have a heart to heart and discuss it in serious depth. Tell him what he means to you and that your trust in him is shaky at the moment. If you can encourage him to somehow be honest and just let you know what happened honestly, he hopefully will tell you.

Good luck . . .

Edok travel companion PC and Tablet bags @ Computex 2011